in love with a girl

Today we met our little girl, Olivia Elisabeth.  We are head over heels in love with her.

Words cannot describe the feelings that we have in our heart.  We feel so, very blessed.  How did we get so lucky.....that "B" would choose us to be the parents of this beautiful girl?

I can't stop crying.  Every time I look at her picture, and think of her soft skin.  I ache to have her in my arms again....to smell her soft scent....to hear her cooing...

The host family is absolutely wonderful.  This is their 257th baby that they have cared for!  You can tell that they love each and every one of the babies that they welcome into their home.  Olivia is completely spoiled by them.  (We asked them if they wouldn't mind adopting us!)

We did go out tonight and get a few basic necessities...bottles, Dreft, burping cloths, a Boppy, onesies, and socks.  Tomorrow we are going to pick out paint for her room, and work on painting throughout the week. Next weekend we will get our car seat, diapers, and a few other items that will get us started.  We also looked at some furniture, and will order that next weekend as well.  I would love to have the security of being able to go out and buy that stuff now, but we just want to make sure that those papers are signed.  Ugh....I just wish those papers were already signed...

linked continued....

I have been evasive with the details of our link with our birth mother.  Here is what happened last Friday...

As we were visiting with Oma, my cell phone rang, and the number came up as "restricted".  This was my first clue that something was different about the call.  When I answered the phone, and on the other end the person asked to talk with me....I knew.  It was our agency.  It was a social worker that I was unfamiliar with, and again...I knew.  She asked me if it was a good time to talk, and this is when it all becomes fuzzy. She said she had good news, and that we had been picked by a birth mother.  The only thing I remember is saying how happy I was!  Then she asked me if I was sitting down....I thought "Oh my God, if she tells me that the baby has been born I will fall off this chair.".......The baby had been born on Wednesday, and it was a little girl.  I remember walking in circles, and asking her if this was a joke.  I know....not what I thought I would say.....but I was in shock.  All the while my dear husband is standing in front of me asking me who I was talking to.  I eventually just broke down in tears and sobbed the news to him.  We spent the next 20 minutes walking in circles....literally.  In circles around my Oma's bedroom, and she is lying in bed also in tears.

Our birth mom, "B", was 100% sure of her adoption plan.  However, the birth father's "J", MOM was not in favor of the adoption.  This was causing J to waiver in his decision of agreeing to sign any paperwork. So, this is where we began to pray....We prayed all weekend, and asked our family and friends to do the same.  We did not want to get into a situation where the bf contests the adoption.

Prayer works.....

Today I got a call from the sw, and J and family have agreed to the adoption plan, and will sign all necessary papers.  We are over the moon!  On top of that, she called again this evening to tell us that the court date to tpr will be March 5th...next Friday.

Tomorrow we go in for a meeting with our agency, and after that we are going to call the host family, and set up a visit.  It all seems so surreal....If all goes well, we will have baby home by March 12.  I simply can't believe it.  I always told myself that it would never happen....I truly thought it would never happen.  Now that it is here, It does not seem to be real....

We are completely unprepared.  That is how we planned things.  Right now the nursery is still the "dogs room".  At one point I was going to create a cozy little den and paint the walls chocolate brown.  Well, I only got as far as testing the paint.  It looks awful.

So, that is where we stand.  We are still cautious....this is adoption after all, and anything can happen.  We may paint the room, but nothing will be purchased until after the court date next Friday.  At that point, we will get just the necessities....like a car seat!  I have already stopped by Buy, Buy, Baby and taken a look, as well as done a little research on the internet.  Oh, and my weakness is clothing.  I love to shop for clothes.  So, over the weekend I allowed myself to buy a few dresses at the Baby Gap outlet, and two cute outfits at the OshKosh outlet.  I just couldn't help it.  We also need to decide on a name by the weekend...

I really never believed that it would be my turn.

Linked

Yes....We are linked with a birth mother.

While visiting with my dear, sweet grandmother today, we got the phone call.  The most unexpected,  yet anticipated phone call.  We are in a daze...

We are elated, yet cautious.  Anything could still happen.  We are aware of the risks, and we may run into a few bumps along the road.  We were told this today.   Right now, I cannot stop thinking about the birth mother.  At one time, the word alone scared me.  However, I want to reach out to her... meet her, talk to her. I want to know this person who made this decision.  She is remarkable.

I have not posted in a while because there simply has been no time.  I lost my dear, sweet, Ota a few weeks ago.  He had been in the hospital and rehab facilities since just after Thanksgiving.  What started it all.....a urinary tract infection.  At 89 years old, we knew that his tired body could no longer recover.  We were all there with him as he passed away.  It was a first for me...to be there when a spirit left the body.  I was scared, very scared. I wanted to stay home.  I could not face the fact that we would be losing him.  But looking back, it was all so perfect.  His whole family was surrounding him, and he just slowly fell asleep.  We also had a priest present to give him the Annointing of the Sick..not called Last Rites anymore...We all prayed together and were able to say good-bye.  He knew we were there....in fact he waited for my cousin to get there.  While I was completely devastated, and could not imagine him not being around, I am now at peace.  I know he is not longer confused, in pain, and has his dignity back.  However, I know he is waiting for my grandmother to join him....

My grandparents were married for 60 years.  They spent every day together.  They always told us that when one goes, the other would go shortly thereafter.  Well....My Oma has had dementia for a few years.  Nothing to serious, just some forgetfulness.  However, when Ota died, her dementia accelerated and got progressively worse.  In the span of two weeks, she could no longer walk, swallow, and became unresponsive.  While losing Ota was devastating, this was too much for me to handle.  My mom and I went to see her at the hospital Monday, and I didn't stop crying until Thursday.  I begged and pleaded with my Ota to let her stay a while longer.  I know they want to be together, but both leaving us just weeks apart?  Well...he must have heard my cries.  She has made a recovery, and is eating, talking, knows who we all are...Ota told her she needed to stay a while longer.  We were not ready to let her go.  Not just yet.  While she still has dementia, we know she will not get better.  But this gives us time to let her go.  She is in hospice right now, but the nurse told me yesterday that she may not need to stay there if she continues to do as well as she is doing.  So, for now, we are taking it day by day, and cherish each moment spent together.

Here is a picture of my grandparents at our wedding.  My other grandmother is also pictured.  She suffers from Alzheimer's.   From left to right, Oma, Ota & Oma, and Anna Tant, my great aunt.  She is 87, and very healthy!